Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
