Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
