Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
