I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
