I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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