I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
