You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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