Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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