I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
