the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
