If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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