Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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