i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
