i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
