I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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