how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My balls are so social today.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize