Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
