i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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