I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
