i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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