glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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