id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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