he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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