Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
