everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
