I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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