if only i could text you this smell
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
