I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Farmville is her only friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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