why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He shit in the fireplace
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
