I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
