listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
