maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
