don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
