so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
