he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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