i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
