Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
