if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
