I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
