i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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