Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
