I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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