I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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