i already hear my dad disowning me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
