I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
