how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
