Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
