They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As shirtless as possible
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
