every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
