YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize