Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize