Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
