First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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