were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
