K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize