i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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