question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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