She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
