I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize