Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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