all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
