If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
