Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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