Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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