Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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