Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
