I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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