Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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