How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who died my cat blue again?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
