i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just had sex on a roof
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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