TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
