Where is the hickey?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
