Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize