Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
