Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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