You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
