does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize