I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
