My nipple is on Facebook.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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