just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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