i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
