I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize