my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
