Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
