ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
