Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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