the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
