I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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