your thong is hanging out like whoa
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
