hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
