oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
