I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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