You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
3 2 1 whiskey
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize