he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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