Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
