Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
