I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
