I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
