it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
