You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
