lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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